Help! My Human Confuses Me

This morning I found this in my email inbox.  My human says I need to share it with everyone and then answer it. Dear Patton, I really enjoy what you write, but I don't get to read it very much... I'm afraid... which is why I'm writing to you for help. My human, well.... he isn't like yours, he's a liberal, and he wouldn't like it if he caught me reading your blog.   I have to wait til he's already in the bed before I log on to read, and at times, I've fallen asleep at the keyboard hoping that your blog isn't on the screen in the morning when he wakes up... it's happened a couple of times, but I just pee on the floor and that makes him mad so he gets distracted getting the mop and I can quickly log off..... Anyway, I have a serious problem that I think you can help me with.  I'm a conservative pup trapped in a liberal house.  I'm at a complete loss as to what to do about it.  They drink kool aid all the time, and cuss if there's ever a picture of a conservative on the big flat thing that humans are on, but they aren't real... I've barked at them and they don't seem to mind. They put out some newspapers for me the other day and on one page was this guy in the picture.  I think he is someone really important to them, they always point and smile when his picture is on that big flat thing.  He's the guy that is always telling everyone that it's not his fault and he needs more money for something... beats me Patton, but he lives in this great big beautiful white house, with lots of roses around it, flies around in a big airplane and is always doing something called "fund raising".  I have no idea what that is, but my human must, he's always sending him "funds".   Well, I got in serious trouble the other day... that picture in the newspaper.... I was trying to do what they taught me and do my business on the paper, but it landed on the picture of that guy... I thought my human was going out of his mind...  He grabbed up the newspaper, wiped it off and started apologizing to it.... I'm so confused Patton, I found a perfect place to poop, on the papers, and now my human is upset with me.  Please help Signed... Plundered Pup Dear Plundered Pup, I am only 5 months old and I don't understand a lot of things.  I am just now learning about this politics stuff.  I don't know if I can help you.  I am going to share this with my big sister, Shasta, and my human.  I also have a friend named Rafiki that might can help to.  My human said to tell you to stay strong, that there are a lot of puppies and kittens out there trapped in liberal homes.  We are going to try to help.  You can go to my sister's blog here, www.shastasavvy.blogspot.com, or Raiki's blog here, www.hakunamuttata.blogspot.com.  Reading those might help you. Patton If anyone out there knows how we can help the 'plundered pup', please send us an email with suggestions.  Thank you.

Where Is The Courage and Character?

My human has been following this story on TV about a ship that sank.  She was really upset about “the lack of leadership and courage among the crew”.  She was also talking about how the same thing could be applied to the politicians in D.C.  I’m not really sure how, so I thought I’d relate what I heard to you guys and see what you think.

“Patton,” she said, “It’s ok to make a mistake.  What isn’t ok is to run from the responsibility of what you’ve done.  Just like the captain of the ship waited for over an hour to tell the people the ship was sinking, our government waited too long to tell US that we are in deep trouble.  Instead, they tried to cover up their mistakes.”  I can understand that in a way.  I thought I could chew up this really cool thing that fell out of the laundry basket, but it made me sick.  Instead of telling my human that my tummy was hurting, I threw up all over the place.  She was really upset.  She told me that if she had known, she could have and would have taken steps to keep it from being quite so bad.

My human also said “the crew also showed a contemptible lack of courage by deserting the people on board in an attempt to save themselves”.  That sounds a lot like what I hear on TV sometimes when those politics people are talking.  Candi says that they are making deals behind the scenes and then getting on TV and claiming something else in an attempt to save their own selves.  I think she’s right.  After all, there were a lot of those people who liked the SOPA thing until yesterday.

Candi is always telling me that the lessons I take are to make me a better canine citizen.  She says that she’s trying to instill in me the courage and strength of character that our Founding Fathers had.  I wished I had some examples of that courage and character that she talks about.  Do any of you know where I could find one?  

My "Cat" Crush

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!  I'm not very sure what the term "New Year" means, but my human says that it's when we look back on the last 12 months and begin to focus on the next 12 months.  As soon as I'm old enough to figure out what a day, month and year is...I'm sure I'll understand it better.  Anyway, my human also said, "Whatever you do on the first day of the new year is what you'll be doing all year long."  So...if that's true...I'm gonna have a REALLY good year!

See, yesterday morning my human started off her Sunday like she usually does.  Listening to BigDawg's Music Hour on LibertyBellRadio.com and that's when I fell in love with a Cat!  I know I'm a dog and not supposed to like cats, but this particular Cat is AWESOME!  This particular cat is none other than the fabulous Cat Beach!

Her voice was so soothing to me, that I just had to rub against the speakers while her song "What Love's All About" was playing.  I mean WOW...she just made me want to crawl into her lap and cover her with doggie kisses.  My human says, "she has that sexy voice that make men weak in the knees and the women want to get up for a slow dance".  I'm going to suppose y'all know what that means...I sure don't.  I just know that when she comes on the radio, I have to get as close as I can to the speakers.  My human also says that Cat's lyrics reach into the very essence of one's soul because she understands exactly where a person has been or where they are currently and what their hopes are for the future.

So...in the words of my human, Candi, y'all need to get over to BigDawgMusicMafia.com and check her out.  Just remember that she is MY "Cat" crush!  I'd hate to have to come chew on your favorite shoes for trying to take her away from me.

Because Candi says I have to...here are the links to Cat's page at BigDawgMusicMafia and her own website.  Dang it!  I really wanted her to myself, but she's gonna make me share!

http://www.bigdawgmusicmafia.com/profile/CatBeach
http://catbeach.net/main/index.html