Sunday, November 18, 2012

My Holidday Lesson #1

I saw a new “tug rope” that I want in what my human calls a sales flyer today.  I asked her if I could get one for Christmas.  That was a mistake!  I got a lesson in what the holidays are all about and Shasta even said a few things too.

 “Patton,” my human started, “the holidays aren’t about what you get for Christmas, they are about spending time together and being thankful for the many blessings you already have.”

Then Shasta said, “Our human does other stuff with us that are way cooler than the Christmas presents we get.  AND, she makes really cool treats for us to eat!”
I really want that new rope, so I began to whine a little.  That was a HUGE mistake.  I then got put in timeout and was told to think about what was most important to me.  Having each other, OR having toys.  I was also reminded that I could be one of those unfortunate pups up in the North that don’t have a human to take care of them now because of that hurricane.  It was a lot to think about.

I decided I’d rather have “play time” with my human and big sister rather than toys and nobody to play with.  I think I understand what they were trying to say.  So this Thanksgiving week I want to say that I’m thankful I have such a cool human.  I’m thankful for my lessons she gives me because I know she wouldn’t go through all the trouble if she didn’t love me.  I’m a blessed puppy because I have a human who would never leave me behind and takes such good care of me.

I am going to do better about appreciating what I have rather than being jealous another dog got something I didn’t.  My human said she was proud of me and that as a special treat for learning such a valuable lesson, she’d take me on a walk without Shasta!  Now, if I could just convince her I’d rather have a pair of her shoes to chew on rather than a walk without Shasta.

Friday, November 9, 2012

A Lesson In "Stupid"

I noticed this morning that we had run out of food.  So I thought I would ask if we could get some more.  Here is the talk I had with my human and the lesson in ‘stupid’ that I got.

Me:  Could you go to the store and get us some food?

My human:  Patton, due to circumstances beyond my control I can’t get more food.

Me:  Well you have friends that could send us some, don’t you?

My human:  Actually I am refusing to accept any food from anyone that isn’t labeled properly so I can see what the nutritional value is.  So, I’m afraid we’ll just all have to go hungry.

Me:  Well that’s just silly!

My human:  Welcome to the world of liberalism/socialism/Marxism/communism.  Now do you understand why I fight so hard for individual responsibility and less government control?

Me:  I get it.  By voting for people who think they know better than you what is best for you, you open yourself up to having less control of your own life. 

My human:  Would you like to eat now? 

Me:  Yes.  Then after I eat, can we play tug for a little while?
Turns out my human had discovered a new place to put the food where Shasta and I couldn't get into it.  Maybe we should have looked harder.

Lesson:  If you’re stupid enough to not figure things out for yourself, someone else will and you’ll be hungry!


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Human Pups In GA Get Better Schools

My human has been so busy these past couple of months that Shasta and I haven’t been able to post any blogs.  Having paws instead of hands makes it hard to type so we kind of need her.  But now the election is over and she has a little more time (at least until the next election and the last “big pushes” for GOTV efforts), so we get to start blogging again.

Last night she went to a couple of victory parties and then came home to settle on the sofa with me and Shasta to finish watching election returns.  There was one thing on the Georgia ballot that I was watching really close.  That was the charter school amendment.  My human had told me it was important because it would give human kids a chance to have the kind of education that she is giving me.  Even though I can’t vote, I wanted it to pass for all those human pups out there.

It passed with 58% of the vote is what that Secretary of State guy’s website says.  My human was surprised it passed “relatively easy” because it was such a hot-button issue for a lot of people.  But, she says that people like Virginia Galloway, Rich Thompson, Rhonda Gatch and other school choice advocates worked really hard and it paid off.  Now students in my state have a better chance at getting a good education and human parents will have more say about things.

My human spends a lot of time teaching me American History, Civics and about legislation.  She wants me to be the best I can be when I become a grown dog.  I think most humans want the same kind of thing for their pups, so this has to be a good thing.  And I think it costs less money per pup to run these public charter schools.  That means that my human would have more money to buy me ropes to play tug with.  That’s good, too!

Congratulations to all the volunteer people who worked so hard to give Georgia pups a chance at a brighter future through a better education.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My Doc Has Balls For Obama

My human said several bad words today.  She’s mad that those people in Washington who are supposed to “provide for the common defense” are NOT doing their job properly.  Boy is she mad about it.  She is using a LOT of bad words.  I never thought I would hear stuff like that come out of her mouth.  Even Shasta got scared because of all the bad words.

Candi says that the Obama man doesn’t have any balls or he would do the right thing instead of just giving speeches about what a tragedy the attacks on our embassies are.  And she called that Hillary woman a word that I can’t repeat because Candi would send me to the pound for being extremely crude.  When she said those two things, Shasta started to cry and told me I should be very very good because our human was mad beyond words.

I called my dog doctor, Mr. Obama, and he said that he doesn’t have my balls anymore but that he has some you can borrow.  I’m sending you his contact information.  I would really appreciate it if you would take my dog doctor up on his offer since my human is not going to calm down until you get a pair.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Lesson: Study Before Barking

I’m a little confused today.  My human says that rules are necessary for order and that we must respect authority.  She also says that there are times when you must rise up against authority because the people in those positions are abusing their power.  My question is:  When?  When do we stand up against it and when do we respect it?

Shasta says that it comes down to one simple thing.  If the people in power are using that power to further their own interests, or those of friends and family, instead of for the good of the community, that is when we are supposed to stand up and fight against them.  OK, that makes sense. 

My human says that even when we take a stand, we must do it in the proper way.  She says that we can’t just accuse those people of doing bad things, but that we must KNOW they are and be able to prove it.  She says that we should tell everyone we can and show them the evidence when asked for it.  She says that we look foolish if we just start saying things and can’t back up what we are saying.

My human also says that it ain’t just those politics people that abuse their power but those news type people too.  She says that’s why smart people don’t listen to them anymore and do their own research.  I’m not sure what research is, but I do know that my human spends a lot of time reading things from lots of different places even though it’s all about the same thing.  She says I shouldn’t take what somebody says as gospel just because they are on TV or in government, but that I should read about it myself and then make up my own mind.

So let me get this straight.  It ain’t enough to just bark about it, I have to prove what I’m saying or I look like a goof ball with no clue.  I know I’m just a puppy and like to chew up my human’s shoes (even though I know I shouldn’t), but that seems right to me.  What do y’all think?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

"Woof"ing Chick-fil-A

My human has just informed us that we get a “special treat” tonight.  She’s going to Chick-fil-A and buying dinner for us.  I’m so excited!  We don’t get that kind of treat very often, but she says we’re good conservative canines who deserve to show their support too.  YAY!!!!

Something that I have to study is The Constitution of the United States.  And I have learned that the very first Amendment guarantees American citizens the right of free speech and the right to freedom of religion.  My human says that Mr. Cathy exercised both when he made his statement about supporting traditional marriage.  She also says that his remarks did not indicate that he was bigoted or discriminated against gay people.  He simply stated his views and opinions.

I think it’s kind of silly for people to be getting all mad and stuff at Mr. Cathy for having an opinion.  My human says his company doesn’t discriminate against any group in their hiring practices and they don’t ban anyone from their restaurants.  So if he didn’t hurt anyone or tell them they couldn’t come there to eat or work for his company, what’s the big deal? 

The only thing I can see that his company does that is unfair is…they won’t let me in until I get my therapy dog certification.  It really hurts my feelings that I can’t go but you don’t see me whining about it.  I think some people need a really long timeout so they can think about how foolish they are acting.

Monday, July 9, 2012

My Game vs. Their Game

I learned a new game yesterday and it’s really fun.  It’s called:  Get The Scrunchie.  This is how you play.  First, you have to have a human who wears her hair in one of those ponytail things held up by a scrunchie thing.  Second, you have to be really really sneaky.  What you do is:  while the human is distracted by something else you sneak up behind them and grab the scrunchie thing with your teeth and pull it out.  But you can’t touch the hair.  If you touch the hair they will feel it and you lose the game.

It made my human and her friend giggle really hard yesterday.  This morning, while my human was busy with Shasta’s lesson, I pulled her ponytail down again.  She laughed so hard she snorted when I dropped the scrunchie in her lap.  It was so much fun.

Shasta says that those politics people do the same thing in a way.  She says that while the people are distracted by True Blood, American Idol or some other silly show like that, the politics people slide stuff into something called legislation and that they make government bigger and bigger that way.  I asked my human about it and she agreed with Shasta.  Only, she says it’s not a game because no one is laughing when the trick is revealed.  She says that most of the time it actually hurts us in the long run.

I like to play games and my human says that they’re good for me because I learn things.  But nobody gets hurt when we play our games.  I don’t think those people in that Washington place should be allowed to keep playing games that hurt others.  As a matter of fact, I think they need a really long timeout. 

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

My First Fourth of July

Shasta has been telling me about something called the Fourth of July.  She says that it is America’s official birthday and that communities all over America celebrate with parades and fireworks.  She’s been telling me about all the really cool things that our human has taken her to in the past.  I kept waiting on Candi to tell us what we were gonna do this year and what I would get to see.  She hadn’t said anything and it is now the big day, so I asked her.

“What are we going to do on July 4th?”

“Patton, I’m afraid your first Fourth of July won’t be very much fun.  Our town isn’t having a parade this year.  No fireworks either,” she said.

I couldn’t believe it.  I wondered why and asked her.

Her eyes filled with tears and she said, “In today’s world where it’s offensive to others to be proud to be an American, communities are beginning to do away with Fourth of July parades and fireworks displays.   We must all suffer because a few have dictated to the many what is acceptable and what isn’t.”

Ok, now I’m mad!  I was thinking that maybe I could be like Scrappy Doo and use a little “puppy power” to make things right.  Candi says it’s going to take more than that though.  She also said that even though she can’t change things for this year, she is visiting the City Council of our town today.  She’s also going to the Board of Commissioners in our county and will be contacting her State Representative and her Federal Representative.  I think she’s pretty ticked off right now.

It is 4 in the morning and we have started our day.  We’re going to start off with To Hell and Back, the true story of America’s most decorated WWII soldier…Audie Murphy.  When that’s over we’re going to take a walk.  Then we’re going to come home and watch Yankee Doodle Dandy, the story of George M. Cohan…who gave us some of the most patriotic songs and musicals.  Our human will spend some time at the pool with her friend, and then it’s back to watching more patriotic movies.  She agrees that seeing a parade and watching fireworks would be better, but we will obviously have to make do.

I’m sure that next year will be better.  I doubt those city council people are going to enjoy her complaining for the next year about no Fourth of July celebrations in town.  And believe me, she isn’t going to let this go.  She’s sick and tired of the few telling the rest of us what to do.  So am I.  I asked her if I could go bite those people, but she said no that it wouldn’t be cool.  Oh well, maybe if you guys talk to her she’ll at least take me with her so I can growl at them.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A Puppy's Work Is Never Done

My human cried for her country yesterday.  It bothered me a lot, but it was even worse when she got home and seemed even sadder than she had been in the morning.  Shasta said she was exhausted and that she needs a break.  It really worried me.

She went to bed at like 8:30 last night and that really made me wonder if she was ok.  I really really love my human and can’t imagine her not being around.  I decided she needed some comforting.  I started to whine, whimper and rattle my crate.  She needed me even if she didn’t know it yet.

She told me to be quiet a couple of times, but I continued.  Finally she got up and let me and Shasta out of our crates.  When she climbed back into bed, we jumped up and began to snuggle with her.  Eventually she began to laugh as we insisted on being petted.  Then with a smile on her face and happy tears in her eyes she said, “It’s impossible to remain negative with so much love in my life.  Everything is going to be just fine.”

Puppy job 1 is complete.  Now to find the people who made her cry in the first place and start biting some bums.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I Will Help, Will You?

I hate it when my human cries.  I feel so helpless and lost when she’s sad.  She cried this morning and there was nothing I could do to help her.  I was going to get the ball and cheer her up with a game of fetch, but Shasta said I shouldn’t because it wouldn’t help.  Then I listened very carefully as she explained just why she was crying.

I get it now.  She loves her country so much and she doesn’t think it will survive.  She is afraid she’ll never get it back.  I think it’s sort of how I felt when she left me at that place a few weeks ago.  I was really scared I would never see her again. 

I have decided that I’m going to pay more attention to her lessons every day.  I’m going to be like my sister, Shasta, and help my human keep her country free.  I know I’m just a puppy but like she tells me every day…”Every little bit helps, Patton!”   I know I can help.

If we all pitch in just a little, we can make a difference.  Will you help me help my human keep the America she loves alive?

Monday, June 25, 2012

Are There More Bad People?

It’s a confusing time for puppies like me.  My human constantly makes me watch things on that TV thingy that make no sense.  And I don’t understand why people think about only one part of something and not the whole thing. 

One thing that I had to see really upset me.  It was that Sandusky person.  I understand he was a really bad man and that he is going to jail for a really long time for hurting those little boys, but it was that woman who scared me.  You know, the one they called something General?  Anyway, she said how they were still investigating and that there may be more people charged with some things.  Candi told me that she thinks the Sandusky man wasn’t the only doing bad things to little boys.  She also said that we’re going to see a lot more victims come forward and that it is going to be one of the biggest tragedies in American history that was not caused by a natural disaster.  That is really scary to a little boy puppy like me.  It can’t be a good thing for Sandusky to be the ONLY ONE convicted so far, can it?

We were watching the social networks on Friday night when the verdict was announced.  People were posting all kinds of stuff about that man but no one was talking about what that woman said.  No one said anything about them investigating other people.  It’s so confusing.  We are glad that one bad man is off the street, but what about the others?  I’m not sure, but I think that Candi might be right about there being more than one person that did REALLY bad things. 

Candi says that I should pray for the little boys and their families.  She says that I should pray for that Sandusky man’s family, too.  I think I’ll pray for them today and I’ll ask God to send angels to comfort the ones that got hurt.  I’m sure they are just as confused as me.  And I’m not just doing it for extra treats.  I’m doing it because Shasta says it’s the right thing to do and I want to do the right thing.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My Memorial Day Lesson

My human was teaching me about Memorial Day and what it means.  She says that it is a day to remember those who served and paid the ultimate price for the freedoms we enjoy in America.  This is how we spent Memorial Day at our house.

First, we got up and took a long walk on the Silver Comet.  This is one of my favorite things to do.  When we got done, Candi took me and Shasta for a ride in the car.  We rode down the “Corridor of Flags” on the main road through our county.  The “Corridor of Flags” is a section of highway that has American flags placed at certain intervals in the median.  Shasta explained how volunteers get out in the dark to place the flags on every National Holiday of remembrance.  The flags are there to honor every man and woman that has fought to defend liberty in America. 

Second, we came home and watched To Hell And Back.  It is the true story of America’s most decorated soldier, Audie Murphy.  Shasta says that Candi watches this particular movie along with Sergeant York, The Great Escape and Taking Chance.  The saddest one was the Taking Chance movie.  Shasta says our human cries every time she sees it.  I know boy dogs aren’t supposed to cry, but I cried too.

Last, we visited the virtual wall on the web since we couldn’t be where the real one is.  Candi told me and Shasta about how she visited the wall for the very first time with her dad.  He was a Vietnam veteran.  She told us about standing with him at the wall and how he looked for the names of buddies who had died over there.  While standing at the statue he said, “That’s exactly how we looked over there.”  Me and Shasta sat very still when a tear started to fall as she told us it was one of the most moving moments of her life.

I patiently watched and listened all day as our human explained how we should remember all those who paid the ultimate price for freedom.  She said that remembrance was more important than going to the pool or having a BBQ and getting drunk.  She said that honoring those men and women was the least we could do…ESPECIALLY on Memorial Day.  I’m just a puppy, but I think I understand.  I will honor and remember all the men and women who have served to protect us.  I hope I never forget.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A Price To Pay

This is what happens when a puppy chews up shoes.  He ends up in what my Aunt Penni referred to as “doggie prison”.  My human has explained that I was put in here for being naughty and would continue to be put in here until I have learned my lesson about tearing up things that don’t belong to me.  This is not a fun thing to be in and I really don't like it.  Shasta says that is the point of being put in here.  If I don't like it, then I will learn to behave.

This is where a human is supposed to go when he/she does something bad to someone else.  It doesn’t look any more fun than me being in the new crate that my human got for me, does it?  My human says there are a lot of people in that place called Washington, D.C. that belong in this place.

My human says that this is what happens to people when they don’t stand up for what is right and put a stop to what bad people are doing.  Shasta didn’t stop me from eating my human’s shoes or getting into the plants and now she’s lost her freedom, too.  Shasta looks really sad.  I didn't mean to get her in trouble.  She says that she knew better though and is willing to accept her punishment without complaining about it.  I feel really bad!

I have learned a big lesson this week.  I have learned that there is a price to pay for bad behavior and that I will continue paying that price until I learn not to behave badly.  I learned that it is no fun to not be free to roam around like I want to.  And I have learned that if I stand by and let someone else do something bad, then I am just as guilty and could lose my freedom just like they do.

I think I’m just gonna try to be good from now on.  And maybe, just maybe, if I’m really good…my human will take me out to play and I can enjoy the sunshine and open spaces.  

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I'll Get It For Myself

My human says that we are each responsible for our own actions and decisions.  It is not the responsibility of the government to make sure we do or don’t do what they decide is best.  She says that if more parents would teach their kids that, then America would be better off.

Today I ran across this picture on Facebook and it made me think that there are parents out there who are teaching their kids right from wrong.  It was posted by SOS Liberty with the words, "The youth are restoring our founding principles."  Candi is trying to teach me those things, too.  It made me think that somewhere in America there are other people who are teaching their offspring that they have to earn their way.  I hope I will be one of these young people that have been taught not to expect handouts and that I will work for the things I want.

Our human says that she doesn’t want her human child or even me and Shasta to be a #Julia.  She wants us not to be dependent on anyone else, especially the government!  I am learning everyday that there are consequences for my actions.  I get rewarded with a treat for good behavior and get a timeout for bad behavior.  I think she’s teaching me that if I work hard and do the right thing that I’ll eventually get the thing I want.  Well…maybe not the shoes, but I can at least earn treats.  

Monday, May 21, 2012

I'm Still In Trouble

Every Friday night at 6 p.m. ET, my human logs onto the internet and we listen to Global Security Matters with Adrian Morgan via the Radio Jihad Network on  I like Adrian's show.  He gets rowdy sometimes but he sounds pretty doing it.  He has a different way of talking than my human.  He talks about Islam and the dangers of it and he explains it so that even I, a puppy, can understand it.

But today I'm a little upset with Adrian.  See, Adrian plays music on his show that is what my human calls her 'happy music'.  This music is calming and relaxing to her.  Last Friday, he played this stuff called 'tea music' and she loved it.  She wanted to find it.  Well, today he sent my human a message with a link where she could find it.  I appreciate him doing that for her, but couldn't he have done it yesterday when she was so mad at me for eating the pretty red 'sinning shoes'?  I stayed in trouble all day because he waited one day too long to send her a link to music that would have made her forget about what I had done.

Now I'm in trouble for being mad at Adrian.  My human says that blaming him for her staying in a bad mood all day is like that Obama guy still blaming Bush for everything.  She says that when you blame someone else for something, you are refusing to accept your part in the problem.  She says Obama was part of the Senate when Bush was in office.  He wasn't there very long before becoming President, but he was still part of the problem and he doesn't want to accept responsibility for his part in things.  He didn't have a very good record in the Senate from what I understand.

Anyway, I would like to ask everyone to send my human links to 'happy music' whenever I do something bad.  Oh...and tell Adrian Morgan not to wait so long to share 'happy music' too!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

I Am Bad Like Obama

My human is very upset with me this morning.  Shasta told me not to, but I didn't listen.  I chewed up her red "sinning shoes" and she is really really mad.  She says that I'm not getting timeout, but that I'm going into a crate.    She also said that I was like that man in the White House.  That really hurt my feelings.

My human says that the only difference between me and that man is that I destroy shoes and he destroys the country.  I didn't mean to mess up her shoes.  They're just so pretty.  That guy in the White House is purposely messing up the country.  So I don't think it's fair to say I'm like him.  And why do I have to go into a crate and nothing bad is happening to him?  I don't think that's fair either!

I am trying to learn what to do and what not to do.  Sometimes it's hard.  I see something I think is cool and I want to play with it.  And I like to play with things that my human sets down because it smells like her.  I don't mean to destroy's an accident.  Shasta says that what the man in the White House is doing is not an accident.  She says that he isn't even trying to learn from his mistakes.  I think he needs a crate, too!

Can someone please help me?  Can you tell my human that it was an accident and I didn't mean to eat the pretty shoes.  I just wanted to play with them.  It was an accident.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

How Not To Be A Blowhard

My human is teaching me all kinds of things.  From history and politics to good behavior and manners, she’s determined to make me a good puppy.  Today I’m learning about a new word.  The word is narcissism and she says the President is a really good example of what it means.  She got this definition off the Webster’s Dictionary website for me:


  [nahr-suh-siz-em]  noun

inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love;vanity. Synonyms: self-centeredness, smugness,egocentrism.
Psychoanalysis . erotic gratification derived from admirationof one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normalcondition at the infantile level of personality development. 

If you go to and check out the biographies on the different President’s, you will see that Obama has put himself into at least 13 of those.  My human says this is the height of arrogance and that it is a perfect example of the word I am learning about today.  She says, “Obama is a blowhard who just can’t see or hear his own name enough.”  I think she might be right.  I’ll show you one of those bio thingys and you will see.

My human says that this is a perfect example of how Obama has to show how great he is.  He hates the last President so he has to show how he ‘one-upped’ him when it comes to doing that “State of the Union” speech thing.  Candi also says that is a stupid thing to do.  That if you have to constantly remind people how great you are…you probably are only great in your own mind.

I don’t think I should ever follow Obama’s example.  It seems that people don’t care for ‘braggarts’ and ‘blowhards’.  I really want people to like me, so I think I’ll learn to be good and just let my actions speak for themselves.  Shasta and Candi says that is exactly how NOT to be a blowhard and make myself look stupid.  And I don’t think I want to look stupid or make people think I have to talk about nothing but myself all the time.  Besides, I can get in trouble all by myself.  I don’t need to put myself into other people’s stuff and make things worse.

Do you think if I sent the definition of the word I’m learning about to Obama today that he would understand and try to do better?  We could learn how not to be blowhards together.  I would help him and he could help me.  Well, we could help each other if Candi would let him into her home.  But she says it’s too late for him and refuses to invite him.  I’m gonna have to learn this lesson on my own I think.  Oh well.  Anyone got a shoe I can chew on?