Monday, April 30, 2012

Pray For Me...I'm Scared!

To all my friends:  Please pray for me tomorrow.  Candi says I have to go somewhere to spend the night and that when I get back I will be a brand new puppy.  Shasta has been grinning and saying “snip snip” a lot and that doesn’t sound good to me.  But Candi says that I have to go because it’s what’s best for me.  She says that I will be happier in the long run.  I know enough by now to know that whenever people say things like that…it’s because something bad has happened or is about to happen.  I’m really scared.
I know that wherever it is that I’m going is because I did something bad.  So, y’all could tell her that I promise to not eat any more plants or try to chew on any more shoes.  I won’t pester Shasta by jumping on her back and I won’t pull on my leash to eat “dryer lint” when I see it outside.  Please help me and tell Candi that I will be good.  I really don’t want to go to that place to spend the night!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I Don't Want To Be Eaten

Shasta is scaring me!  She keeps talking about that Romney guy that ties dogs on roofs and saying that if I’m not good our human might put me on a roof that way.  Now she’s talking about that Obama guy that eats dogs.  I don’t want to be eaten!  Being on a roof would be bad enough, but eaten….yikes!!!!
Candi, my human, says that Shasta is just being mean because that’s what big sisters do to little brothers.  She also says that I don’t need to worry because she would never put me on a roof or cook me for dinner.  Candi says that they only do that in places far away and that dogs here shouldn’t worry about it.
There is one thing that really scares me about it, though.  If that Obama person gets re-elected, will he make eating dogs legal?  Will my human have to start eating dog meat because that’s what he’ll put in grocery stores?  And will it matter how big the dog is?  Maybe I should talk Candi into running away from the scary Obama man with me.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Secret Service Hooks A Timeout

My human and Shasta have been giggling about a story that they won't let me see.  I was eavesdropping last night so I know it has something to do with this thing called the secret service and something called hookers.  Shasta helped me do a "google search" on those words today while our human was working.  I'm still confused though.
What the computer said was that the people in the secret service get paid to protect very important people in the government.  It said that hookers get paid to make people happy.  So...if you have one group that protects the important people and one group that makes them happy...what's the problem?
Shasta says it's because what the hooker people are doing is illegal in most states.  She also said that is was the people in the secret service group that were getting happy. I understand that part.  It's illegal and you aren't supposed to do it.  She also said that they were out of the country and that it was a poor reflection on the nation as a whole. I understand that part.  I'm still not understanding what the big deal is if everyone was happy.
I decided to go ahead and ask Candi one more time.  She says that it's bad because they were representing our country and that the taxpayer people were paying for the trip.  Now I think I understand.  People aren't upset that the people were being bad...they're upset because they were paying for it.  The taxpayer people don't like to be made to look like fools, especially when they're paying for everything.  Right?
Maybe all those people who were in that other country representing us needs a babysitter.  Candi won't leave me alone without one because I might be bad, so I think they should have a babysitter too.  Oh...and they all need a very long timeout.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Thrown Under The Bus????

I learned something new last night.  My human kept talking about that man in that place called the White House throwing that Rosen woman under the bus.  I didn’t understand what she meant so I thought I’d ask Shasta.
“Patton,” Shasta said, “throwing someone under the bus is what I do to you when something gets broken in the house.  I point my paw at you and Candi thinks you did it and I had nothing to do with it.”
That still doesn’t make any sense, but…ok.  When Candi explained it, she said that “throwing a person under the bus” means that they did or said something stupid and you try to claim that you have nothing or very little to do with that person.
OK…so let me see if I get it.  That Obama person tried to say that the Rosen woman doesn’t talk for him because she doesn’t really talk to him very much.  I think that’s what they were telling me.  Anyway, here is my thing.  Why does that man spend so much time “throwing people under the bus”?  Everytime I see him on that TV thing, he’s always explaining how he doesn’t feel the same way as someone else that is on his side.
Maybe the people throwing other people under the bus need a timeout just like the person who said the stupid thing in the first place.  I’m not sure, but that seems kind of fair to me.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Rosen Needs A Timeout

Sometimes I do things that I’m not supposed to do.  When that happens, my human Candi puts me in a timeout.  She says that I’m to stay in there and think about what I’ve done.  I can’t watch TV, play with toys or even play with Shasta.  It’s really boring. 
What I don’t get is why adults don’t get timeout when they do or say something bad.  You know, like last night when that woman said that thing about that other woman that doesn’t work.  Candi was really mad.  She said that the woman on TV has no idea what it means to be a real mom or woman.  I don’t like it when Candi gets mad.
Shasta said the woman’s name was Rosen and that she is one of those women who hates men.  I’m not sure what that means, but it doesn’t sound very good.  Anyway, if she really believes that stuff she said, shouldn’t she be in timeout and made to think about the bad things she said?  Why does she get away with saying mean things about people? 
My human said the woman apologized today but that it was a fake apology.  I think she should get two timeouts.  One for what she said and one because she didn’t mean it when she said she was sorry.  Yep, that Rosen woman definitely needs two timeouts in this puppy’s opinion!