Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Help! My Human Confuses Me

This morning I found this in my email inbox.  My human says I need to share it with everyone and then answer it.

Dear Patton,
I really enjoy what you write, but I don't get to read it very much... I'm afraid... which is why I'm writing to you for help.
My human, well.... he isn't like yours, he's a liberal, and he wouldn't like it if he caught me reading your blog.   I have to wait til he's already in the bed before I log on to read, and at times, I've fallen asleep at the keyboard hoping that your blog isn't on the screen in the morning when he wakes up... it's happened a couple of times, but I just pee on the floor and that makes him mad so he gets distracted getting the mop and I can quickly log off.....
Anyway, I have a serious problem that I think you can help me with.  I'm a conservative pup trapped in a liberal house.  I'm at a complete loss as to what to do about it.  They drink kool aid all the time, and cuss if there's ever a picture of a conservative on the big flat thing that humans are on, but they aren't real... I've barked at them and they don't seem to mind.
They put out some newspapers for me the other day and on one page was this guy in the picture.  I think he is someone really important to them, they always point and smile when his picture is on that big flat thing.  He's the guy that is always telling everyone that it's not his fault and he needs more money for something... beats me Patton, but he lives in this great big beautiful white house, with lots of roses around it, flies around in a big airplane and is always doing something called "fund raising".  I have no idea what that is, but my human must, he's always sending him "funds".  
Well, I got in serious trouble the other day... that picture in the newspaper.... I was trying to do what they taught me and do my business on the paper, but it landed on the picture of that guy... I thought my human was going out of his mind...  He grabbed up the newspaper, wiped it off and started apologizing to it....
I'm so confused Patton, I found a perfect place to poop, on the papers, and now my human is upset with me.  Please help
Plundered Pup

Dear Plundered Pup,

I am only 5 months old and I don't understand a lot of things.  I am just now learning about this politics stuff.  I don't know if I can help you.  I am going to share this with my big sister, Shasta, and my human.  I also have a friend named Rafiki that might can help to.  My human said to tell you to stay strong, that there are a lot of puppies and kittens out there trapped in liberal homes.  We are going to try to help.  You can go to my sister's blog here, www.shastasavvy.blogspot.com, or Raiki's blog here, www.hakunamuttata.blogspot.com.  Reading those might help you.


If anyone out there knows how we can help the 'plundered pup', please send us an email with suggestions.  Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Plundered Pup, Patton is right about staying strong. It's hard to live with people who think differently than you. For example, my sister Dakota doesn't think she is a dog and won't play with me. I still love her, but I know not to play with her. You have to be careful with people who think differently than you. Next time try relieving yourself in a shoe.